Pet Bereavement
By Charlotte Musgrove, Counsellor at The Eaves
“The symbolism of loss, pain of attachment and shame of grieving an animal life”
Pets, fur babies, furry friends…doesn’t seem to quite acknowledge the gravity of the relationship we have to animals that share our home and hearts and are arguably some of the deepest relationships we may ever experience.
Animals may have been with us through profoundly intense and emotional times in our life. May have soothed us when no other person could, or given us what we needed without words. They may have entered our life after loosing a close one, strained or estranged family dynamics, after the birth of a baby, entering a new stage of life or to help us through depression or loneliness.
We nurture them, feed/clean/groom/sleep with them, they influence our lives-our holiday plans, where we work, how we socialise, they are an integral part of our daily experience-how we wake up, our self care routine, our sense of purpose… so no wonder when illness and death happens to them, it is earth shattering. As part of our foundation has fallen away.
The circumstance of a pets death can also dramatically affect our emotional world. A sudden, unexpected or traumatic death could bring feelings of anger, injustice, rage, depression, PTSD and when pet owners are put in the excruciating position of euthanising their pet, they can be ravaged by guilt, feeling like they have betrayed the trust and unspoken contract they may have made with their pet.
In addition pet owners may experience shame or embarrassment around the death of a pet. They may be concerned about the perceived or received judgement of others about the depth of their grief for an animal, that it could be seen as overly sensitive or only appropriate for human loss. Therefore leaving the bereaved unable to express and process their loss.
With all bereavement, compassion, understanding, time, honouring the life, rituals, gentleness and a space to process the relationship, event and impact on your life are so important for the journey of adapting to life after the loss of a soul connection.
Pet bereavement, like any loss is a process and grief is fluid. There is no end to it, it changes over time.
These are a few ways that may be helpful in processing loss:
• Find communities/people that you can talk to without judgement; Friends, family, therapist, online communities, charity organisations
• Write a letter to your pet. How you feel towards them and their death. The way they have impacted your life. Shared moments that have impacted you and that you will remember them by
• Ritual. Lighting a candle
• Burial or cremation. How would you like your pets life to be honoured? Is it a burial under their favourite bush/tree? A small plaque or stone from a special place marking their location? Ashes spread at an important site for you where you can remember and recount times shared together
• Honouring your feelings – be with the sadness, journal, cry, move, listen to music. Allow rather than repress your feelings
The Eaves Counselling and Psychology
Charlotte Musgrove, Counsellor at The Eaves , is based at our Guildford and Godalming practice. To find out more about Charlotte, or to enquire about her latest availability, please visit her profile here
The Eaves Counselling and Psychology Ltd is a select professional body of Counsellors, Psychotherapists and Psychologists, providing high quality psychological care Monday to Saturday between 9am and 9pm from our practices in Guildford, Godalming, Farnham, Haslemere and online.
Find your practitioner in five easy steps
Are you a business owner or would like more support from your job? The Eaves’ own Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) service for small to medium businesses is easy, affordable and gives staff instant access to our large team of in-house Counsellors and Psychologists at a time and date to suit them. Contact us to find out more about our EAP service
If you need immediate support please find our list of useful contacts