When a couple makes the difficult decision to end a relationship, it can mean a lot of disruption. Divorce and separation can lead to a big change in both parties lives, especially if they are living together or have children. Sometimes decisions are made by just one partner, leaving the other partner. This can leave the other with questions and a feeling of abandonment. Divorce can also bring with it some a sense of shame or failure if expectations have been placed on individuals to ‘succeed’ with a marriage. At The Eaves, our specialist therapists can help you to consider and cope with your own feelings around your divorce or separation. They can also manage the emotional impact on the wider family. Couples may choose to attend sessions together in order to end the relationship as amicably as possible. Alternatively, you may choose to attend individually to help come to terms with the loss of the relationship. We also offer additional support to children who may find the separation of their parents a confusing and unsettling time.
Therapy during this very difficult time in your life can help you come to terms with what
is happening. As a couple, it can be helpful to provide closure on your lives together.
Having an ‘ending’ can allow you to better understand what was good and what was
less helpful in the relationship. Therapy in this time can provide the chance to minimise
hurt and hostility and allow you both to go forward without any unresolved issues.
Divorce shame is a feeling that you have failed at the standards or rules or social norms
that your family or society has set when it comes to marriage. It can bring up feelings
that you are no longer lovable or fully accepted by your community. It can make you feel
like an outcast or someone who “lost”.
Firstly, try to remember to stay calm, blame-free, objective and practice patience with
each other. Take time before your session to write down all of the questions you might
have. These could include examples such as; What are the most critical issues we need
to address? Have you identified and taken responsibility for your part in the breakdown
of the marriage? Do you both want a divorce?